life is fragile.

I lost a friend this week.  I was going to call her yesterday because I needed her.  Today her mother called me and let me know that she passed away this past Saturday.  I feel so terrible.

Jenna was my first real friend in Tucson.  We clicked the moment we met each other in our little office at the Southern Arizona Arts office. We both loved fashion, eating, and art. We actually bonded over making fun of someone we both knew.  I know, we were childish but it was just all out of fun and bonding.  Since that first encounter in the office, we took our friendship out.  We had lunch and shopping dates where we’d stuff our stomachs with lunch, stop for gelato (always a must), and go shopping for cute clothes while we talked about everything.  I really loved hanging out with her.  She always wanted to go on double dates with Mark and I but she could never find love in Tucson.

I’m not going to lie.  Our friendship had some rough times because I was hurt when she would always flake out on our plans.  Out of the 30 times we planned to get together she made it to 5.  I was understanding but after a while it was just hurtful.  I am sensitive about these things because I get so worked up and excited to see my friend and then flaking last minute just kills me.  Time after time.  Partially I was angry that she flaked out on me and not on the different guys she saw at night.  I don’t understand why girls do this but its not nice.  Yes, I understand they are just trying to find love too but can you flake out 1 out of 3 times and not 1 out of 6?   Fortunately she understood my feelings and kept working it out with me.  We worked it out and then we made plans to see each other the next time I was in Tucson.

Last month I was in Tucson for my birthday, I treated her to lunch and was so happy to find out she finally found someone to date!   Honestly, she almost flaked on me again but her boyfriend told her she should hang out with me and so she did.  Ugh right?  I still love her though.  We had a good time and she looked as though she was recovering.  (She was very ill with an unknown disease).  She found love and we were thinking of things to do for fun double dates.  ….

2 weeks ago a I received a text message from her telling me good luck with everything i have going on with school and with mark.  i kept thinking where is she going?  i thought we had already made up. …. now that i think about it i realized she knew she was dying and was probably telling me goodbye.

her mom called me today and left me a message.  she said jenna always talked about how much she enjoyed our friendship and our lunches.  her mom even knew we had lunch together a few weeks ago..and her mother wasn’t even in town at the time.  i knew our friendship meant something to her…but i didn’t know to what extent because i was so caught up in hurt.  i am devastated.  i have lost too many close young friends.  She was 33.

life is too fragile and so precious.

i miss you jenna.  wish i gave you the ring i made you.  it was the first ring in the melting heart collection i ever made.  it was for you, for your birthday…. (you can even see it was named “for jenna”)

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